step by step, little by little.

It is another boring sunday at work though I still have to finish a lot of stuff. This day seems to be better compared from the previous days. I am more composed and I can think better after everything that happened. I may not be fully recovered yet but I am positive that I am almost there. It is somehow exciting to face tomorrow with a smile on my face, inspite of not knowing what wil happen next. The pain from yesterday still lingers but It is now, somehow, manageable.

Last night, I spoke to my sister and admitted everything to her, as in everything. I gasp my breath in releif because it was a little step to free myself from my own seclusion. I also confide about my plans within the next few days and I am pleased that she agreed to support such decisions.

Another little step that I have to make is to stay away from the 2 person I am seeing the past few days, a brave and compelling decision. I have to do it because not for anyone else but for myself. I know for a fact that it will not at all help me to go on. It will also be unfair, not just for me, but for them. I can not use them just for a selfish reason. But I am happy because they understood my assesment, but I thank them for the short span of time that I spent with them knowing that I still can not replace the person that I used to be with.

In the process of healing, I have to keep a positive environment. Though alone at times, I have to use it to assess all the plans that I made. I am also thankful to all those people that I was surrounded with during that darkest days of my life. They stood up for me like a candle in the midst of a murky tunnel.

I still cry, most of the moment when I remenisce the memories. It is he hardest thing to fight. I tried not to think of them, because it may just bring back the aches, but I decided to keeo them. I can not just throw them away.

Acceptance is another process of healing, but I can say that I am half way there. I want to be fine, I want to live a normal life but I guess, and everyione would, it will take time.

Someday, the sun will shine.... I will not be afraid anymore.. Someday, I will be thankful to what happened, because it thought me, to be strong.. to love and be love.. and someday, I will love again.