What if...

I have not cried the past few days... I thought I am doing ok.. until I heard this over our lunch with my Manager, this midnight at mcDonalds, while smoking... It just made my tears fall...

I ran into a friend of yours the other day
And I asked her how you been
She said my girl is fine jus bought a house
Got a job a real good man
I told her I was glad for u that?s wonderful
But does she ever ask bout me
She said

shes happy with her life right now

Let her go let her be

And I told myself I would
but something in my heart would just not let you go
I just want to know

What if we were wrong about each other
what if you were really made for me
what if we were supposed to be together
would that not mean anything
what if that was supposed to be my house
that you go home to everyday
how can you be sure that things are better
if you cant be sure your heart ain?t still here with me
Still wanting me

Your friend asked me if there was some1 special
in my life that I was seeing
I told her there was no1 in particular
There?s jus I myself and me
I told her that I dream of you quite often
she jus cut her eyes at me

she said you?ve got a home you?re very happy
so just stop your meddling

I told her that I won't
I said that things were cool
but I guess I was wrong

I still cant move on

What if we were wrong about each other
what if you were really made for me
what if we were supposed to be together
would that not mean anything
what if that was supposed to be my house
that you go home to everyday
how can you be sure that things are better
if you cant be sure your heart ain?t still here with me
Still wanting me

Now that could be my car
that could be my house
that could be my baby boy
that you?re nursing
that could be the trash
That I always take out
that could be the chair
I love to chill in

That could be my food on the table at the end of the day
hugs and the kisses all the love being made
what the hell do u expect me to say

what if its really supposed be this way
what if you?re really supposed to be with me

What if we were wrong about each other
what if you were really made for me
what if we were supposed to be together
would that not mean anything
what if that was supposed to be my house
that you go home to everyday
how can you be sure that things are better
if you cant be sure your heart ain?t still here with me
Still wanting me

What if we were wrong about each other
what if you were really made for me
what if we were supposed to be together
would that not mean anything
what if that was supposed to be my house
that you go home to everyday
how can you be sure that things are better
if you cant be sure your heart ain?t still here with me
Still wanting me

```````````~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I've waited all of my life to find someone like you.. I can wait another lifetime just to be with you again"

if only for one night

bu Luther Vandross

Let me hold you tight
If only for one night
Let me keep you near
To ease away your fear
It would be so nice
If only for one night

I won't tell a soul
No one has to know
If you want to be totally discreet
I'll be at your side
If only for one night

Your eyes say things i never hear from you
And my knees are shakin too
But i'm willin to go thru
I must be crazy
Standin in this place
But i'm feeling no disgrace

For asking......

Let me hold you tight
If only for one night
Let me keep you near
To ease away your fear
It would be so nice
If only for one night

I tell you what i need is
One night, one night oh (and oh, oh)
What i need is
One night, one night
Of your love, of you love, of your lovin ooh
I'm asking...

Let me take you home
To keep you safe and warm
Till the early dawn
Warms up to the sun
It would be so nice if only for one night

If only for one night
If only for one night
If only for one night, night, night, yeah one night
If only for one.........night



I just so love this song.. it doesn't remind me of something though.. I just heard it over the radio.... this day seems to be a little different.. I feel like I'm getting better as days goes by

step by step, little by little.

It is another boring sunday at work though I still have to finish a lot of stuff. This day seems to be better compared from the previous days. I am more composed and I can think better after everything that happened. I may not be fully recovered yet but I am positive that I am almost there. It is somehow exciting to face tomorrow with a smile on my face, inspite of not knowing what wil happen next. The pain from yesterday still lingers but It is now, somehow, manageable.

Last night, I spoke to my sister and admitted everything to her, as in everything. I gasp my breath in releif because it was a little step to free myself from my own seclusion. I also confide about my plans within the next few days and I am pleased that she agreed to support such decisions.

Another little step that I have to make is to stay away from the 2 person I am seeing the past few days, a brave and compelling decision. I have to do it because not for anyone else but for myself. I know for a fact that it will not at all help me to go on. It will also be unfair, not just for me, but for them. I can not use them just for a selfish reason. But I am happy because they understood my assesment, but I thank them for the short span of time that I spent with them knowing that I still can not replace the person that I used to be with.

In the process of healing, I have to keep a positive environment. Though alone at times, I have to use it to assess all the plans that I made. I am also thankful to all those people that I was surrounded with during that darkest days of my life. They stood up for me like a candle in the midst of a murky tunnel.

I still cry, most of the moment when I remenisce the memories. It is he hardest thing to fight. I tried not to think of them, because it may just bring back the aches, but I decided to keeo them. I can not just throw them away.

Acceptance is another process of healing, but I can say that I am half way there. I want to be fine, I want to live a normal life but I guess, and everyione would, it will take time.

Someday, the sun will shine.... I will not be afraid anymore.. Someday, I will be thankful to what happened, because it thought me, to be strong.. to love and be love.. and someday, I will love again.

You (feb 29, 08)

Alone..
Desterted..
Abandoned..
The best lexis to describe myself what went before..

Dull..
Lifeless..
Dim..
Moments which i should have not bypass.. But no regrets... It's worth the wait.. YOU came... All things alter..

Contented..
On cloud nine..
Euphoria..
Feelings on no account i felt facing..

Continue..
Dwell..
Carry on..
Standpoint that i don't want to put an end to...

Life..
Breath..
Soul..
Means of me being worthy..

Love..
Other Half..
Adoration..
These i pledge...

End..
Conclusion..
Finale..
Will only be the day that i depart this life..

Your first blog entry... happiest moment of my life

here is my first entry ablout you

lifted (december 08)


It's been a turmoil... never ending slope... That's how I describe the life I had for almost 2 months...... it was really a roller coster ride... like a 360 degrees turnaround....

Failed relationship lead to another... almost gave up but still hang on to the hope that someday.. a final destination will be fulfilled... and there you came....

Out of the reverie... you change my life completely...

I was submerged into nothingness... you came when I least expected you to... and there you are, a promise that I thought I wouldn't do...

I know that we have a long road to travel on.. but I am not afraid anymore.. coz I know that you will be there with me until we reach the end of othis journey...

Let's start a new and forget all the miseries and troubles we once had.. and I can assure you that the love you never had will be unselfishly be given to only you...

"I once was lost into darkness... you lifted me... lifted me up... keep me and I will keep you forever in my arms......."

"I Stay In Love"

Oh baby
Baby, I stay in love with you

Dying inside 'cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive

If you don't know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It's a mistake if we just erase it
From our hearts and minds and I know

[Chorus:]
We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
'cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you

Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Baby, I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gonna act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now

Hey, what I wanna do is
Ride shotgun next to you
With the top down like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone
Now go I know

[Chorus x2]

I stay in love
Love
Oh, I stay in love.



----

I don't know what I'm still doing..
you already pushed my away and you're inlove with someone else
I tried to forget you but I really can't. Now that you said that I have to move on, why am I still crying in pain.. I tried to let you go.. I really did.. I even tried to tell him to take care of you.. because you deserve to be happy.. because he loves you too... but I can why can't I go on with my life.. knowing that you still love me to...

-
bed, 03/14/09
-----

I did all I can.. but I guess you're already giving up.. maybe I have to face it. alone... but I know that sun will shine on me....

office, 3/15/09

a month of agony

I'm not really sure if I'm ready for this or what. It's been a month since the greatest turmoil of my life. It does sound awkward.... bitter and painful but it was a harsh reality that I had to face and to go through.. I was left desolated in agony, a moment in my life I never thought that will come.. I was blinded with love and care but never did i thought that it will end this way.. cruel and excruciating..

It was the same love that transcend our relationship and the same love that almost ended this life.. I tried to lift myself from the misery and tried to move on.. But I just really can’t.. You’re the life that I once had and it made me a lot better person.. Even if you left, I just can’t go on… I really can’t let go..
They said that by loosing you would only mean that the next best thing will come… But giving up would only mean that I accepted the fact that I will lose you.. something that I really can’t bear at all.. It was a harsh reality but I am more than willing to put up the fight..

Not until you say so.. Not until you want me to stop.. Not until you want me to give it up..
I would not have the courage to fight until you say that you don’t have the same feelings anymore… until you want me to surrender.. It was a fact that I have to face.. A struggle that I have to deal with..
But one thing’s for sure.. Life without you would mean an end to this life..
_________________________________```~~..,,,


YESTERDAY

I just can't believe you're gone
Still waiting for morning to come
Wanna see if the sun will rise
In the way that you're by my side ooo
When we had so much in store
Tell me what is it I'm reaching for
When we're through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (plans we made)
They can take the music that will never play
All the broken dreams, take everything
Just take it away but they can never have yesterday

They can take the future that we'll never know (never know)
They can take the places that we said we will go,
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away but they can never have yesterday

You always use to say
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or least how the story goes
I never believed them til now
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can't take yesterday
[ Find more Lyrics on www.mp3lyrics.org/xq ]

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (plans we made)
They take the music that will never play
All the broken dreams (oh the broken dreams),
take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

They can take the future that we'll never know (never know)
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams (oh the broken dreams),
take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever
But it wasnt our destiny
Cuz in my mind we had so much time
But I was so wrong
Now I can believe that
I can still find the strengh in the moments we made
I'm lookin back on yesterday

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (plans we made)
They take the music that will never play (I know)
All the broken dreams (oh the broken dreams),
take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday (yesterday)

They can take the future that we'll never know (never know)
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams (oh the broken dreams), take everything
Just take it away (take everything)
But they can never have yesterday

Oh the broken dreams, take everything
But they can never have yesterday